Fried Tomatillo Sandwiches

I recognize that this will likely result in my girl card being pulled, but I will admit that I really don’t like shopping.

I do enjoy the results of shopping:  owning a new pair of jeans, a lovely new cookbook, or a new serving platter from which I can sling my enchiladas. But the process of acquiring? Not so much.

And especially lately when I have been experiencing more and more of what I think of as ‘Bizarre Retail Exchanges’; whether it’s extremely aggressive sales tactics or inordinately awkward shopper overshares, I find myself wondering more and more often if I’m on some new twisted version of Candid Camera as I wander the aisles of my local retail establishments.

Take the following as my first example of the Holiday Shopping Season…

Last week I went to browse the wares of a store that you may know, although we shall allow it to remain nameless; let’s just say that its name rhymes with ‘entomologie’.

So I was shopping in Entomologie and I found a few whatnots that I decided to purchase. All of these whatnots were kitchen goods and all were extremely breakable, so, of course, I decided that the proper thing to do was to precariously balance all of those breakable goods in my arms along with my car keys, cell phone, and clutch, just before making the epic trek across the store to checkout.

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Chipotle Split Pea Soup

I think we know each other well enough at this point that I can confess the following to you:  my parents sent me to Etiquette School when I was a child. It’s true.

And to those of you who have ever met me in person:  I can hear your snickering! I can see the shock and disbelief! I’m asking you not to hate the pun hurling, salad fork eschewing, loud guffawing, elbows on the table player, hate the etiquette game.

You know, I tried to make the most of it. I really did. But I couldn’t get past the frilly, smocked dresses that I was forced to wear to class. I couldn’t ignore the scary, scary teacher who resembled a cross between Julia Child and Mama Cass. And I really, really couldn’t find a way around the food that was served as a part of each lesson.

I’m sure on some planet, in some solar system, somewhere in a parallel universe, serving chilled split pea soup is a super-polite thing to do. I just don’t live on that planet. Do you? Of course not. Duh.

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Roasted Chile Avocado Cream Dip

First thing’s first:  Shelly, please check your email, because you’re the winner of my Cookie Dough Lover’s Giveaway! I just loved reading all of your entries about cookie dough – you guys are really, REALLY into some serious cookie dough action. I don’t have any plans to come between you and your dough anytime soon.

And because I think you’re all totally rad, I’m hosting another giveaway for another awesome book! You can enter to win here.

But wait! There’s even more! I’ve got some condiment love coming your way, just in case you needed a little cool dip to round out your Wednesday. It’s fresh. It’s creamy. And you’re going to want to spread it on everything from your sandwiches to your tacos to your cookie dough. Uh, maybe not. We’ll see about that last one…  but tacos and tortas for sure.

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Buttermilk Ranch Dressing

Oh, man. Here she comes with another condiment.

Will the sauces ever stop?

I’m going with a firm ‘No’.

Sorry, friends, I just can’t help myself. If loving condiments is wrong, I don’t want to be right.

I justify my semi-newfound love of churning out condiments in my own kitchen by reading the backs of store-bought sauces and spreads. Here is what I often find:

1.  Salt
2.  Things I can’t pronounce that disturb and frighten me
3.  More salt

But the truth is that it’s just extremely gratifying to throw something together in such a short time, with such fresh ingredients, that will provide you with excellent saucy flavor for such a long time (I tend to make my condiments in large batches).

Plus I like putting stuff in jars. It makes me feel just a little bit country, while maintaining my little bit of rock n’ roll.

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Queso Fresco Coleslaw

Once upon a time there was a girl of German descent living with a boy of Italian descent in the desert of the American Southwest.

Boy and Girl enjoyed eating Thai food, drinking Mexican spirits, and cheering for Canadian hockey teams.

One day girl decided to get back to her roots and whip up some coleslaw. Boy was on board – he liked to live dangerously. Achtung!

And the time was right. Spring had sprung (Girl knew it to be true because she had started craving fresh fruits and veggies instead of chicken nuggets and Hot Pockets):  the last of the winter cabbage crop was still robust, and local farms were bursting with fresh, fragrant Spring onions.

The clock read ‘coleslaw’, and Girl was on the stick.

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