Bake. Laugh. Eat. Repeat.
We had our first haboob of the year here in the Valley of the Sun yesterday. So who do you think decided it would be a good day to run the trails of our fair city?
This girl!
Who do you think is still shaking dust out of the nooks and crannies on the front of her face today?
This girl!
Who do you think would like to casually change the subject to that of some luscious pound cake?
This girl! This girl! This girl!
I visited an alien planet this past weekend. I’d like to tell you about it.
I’d like to tell you about it because my visit was fraught with difficulties: trouble entering the alien atmosphere, issues navigating the terrain, problems communicating with the native aliens, and challenges upon reentry back to Earth.
You’re my friend. And as my friend, I’m hoping that you can advise me. You know, keep things running a little more smoothly during my next trip.
So let me tell you about my recent excursion to the planet otherwise known as My Local Shopping Mall. I hope you can help.
1. Entering the alien atmosphere
Things began innocently enough: A. and I were properly attired in our spacesuits and helmets. Our spaceship was humming along, and we were using our star charts to find our way. Cool.
But then the planet’s surface came into view and things got dicey. Dozens of other spaceships circling, circling and circling the plant again. Just to find a spot to leave their ship.
Circling, circling and circling some more.
We finally resorted to following a female alien, loaded down with shopping bags, back to her ship. Staying just close enough that we could spring on her spot, but far enough that she wouldn’t turn us in to the alien po-po for stalking her.
At least we have a spot for our ship now, though.
2. Navigating the alien terrain
Aliens native to MLSM apparently don’t value the concept of a straight line being the shortest path from one location to another. I know this because there is no such thing as walking in a straight line as you attempt to negotiate the terrain of MLSM. Nope.
On the contrary, MLSM is laid out like an obstacle course with a variety challenges for you as you make your way.
Dodge that roving crowd of Wii Just Dance 3 performance artists!
Dip your head to avoid that enormous, looming cloud of sample perfume!
Duck behind a column to avoid the Teavana Free Sample Girl with a tray of scalding hot beverages in her hands and judgment in her eyes!
Are you sweating yet? Obvi.
Can you smell it? The fresh plastic scent of your brand new Trapper Keeper…
Can you feel it? The hot vinyl of the school bus seat sticking to the back of your thighs…
Can you hear it? The shrill shriek of the day’s first class bell…
That’s right, it’s time to go back to school. And to celebrate, this entire week on SB will be dedicated to just that – going back to school in delicious style.
Whoa. That’s me in the middle. Somewhere in Massachusetts sometime in the 1980s. Now might be a good time to review our First Day Checklist.
1. Get your hairs did. CHECK. My baby sister, B., is on the far left. B. enjoys eating Wheat Thins, running marathons, and, clearly, she too appreciates the value of utilitarian hairstyles. Points for practicality.
2. Proper equipment is vital. CHECK. That’s my Peanuts lunchbox, which preceded my ThunderCats lunchbox, which preceded my New Kids On The Block lunchbox. It seems that I was able to keep up with the trends far better than my friend there rocking the Members Only Jr. jacket and NASA lunchbox. Trend adherence is critical when it comes to proper equipment selection. Obvi.
3. Eat a good breakfast. CHECK. CHECK. Cinnamon Bread shows love. Cinnamon Bread gives comfort. Cinnamon Bread calms First Day jitters. It’s a natural. Let’s get it done.
I just love quick bread recipes like this: flavorful, simple and so incredibly satisfying.
Some people may be allergic to cinnamon, or maybe just not care for its heat. No biggie. This recipe is so versatile that you can swap the cinnamon out for the spice of your choice.
Maybe ginger? Maybe some cardamom? You’re the Spice Boss. Go for it.
So the neighborhood of my youth was dominated by two epic debates:
1. Who had the best sticker collection; and
2. Pop Tarts vs. Toaster Strudels.
After Luna down the street got her mom to invest in a heavy set of puffys that were also scratch and sniffs, I was straight up locked out of the sticker race. I took my glow in the darks, glitters and googly eyes home and packed it in.
But I held my head high because I always knew that I was on the side of all that is good and right in the universe when it came to breakfast pastries.
Let me break it down for you. First of all, Toaster Strudels are not portable. Take this exchange that actually occurred at a bus stop somewhere in Virginia sometime in the 1980s:
M.: Hey there. I love your New Kids On The Block lunchbox.
Girl With A Toaster Strudel: Thanks! I would totally open it up and show you the coordinating thermos that’s inside, but I’ve got this Toaster Strudel in one hand and a tube of glaze in the other. I need to apply my glaze as I eat my breakfast pastry. This just isn’t working.
M.: Bet you wished you had a Pop-Tart right now instead of that stoopit Toaster Strudel.
Girl With A Toaster Strudel: Sing it sister.
Here’s the next issue with Toaster Strudels: they take way too much effort to prepare.
Seriously, your jamming for the bus stop, you’ve GOT to get the seat next to that boy that you’re seriously crushing on, you can’t forget your lunchbox, homework or leg warmers, and you’re expected to preheat an oven, stand in front of it while your Toaster Strudel bakes, let your Toaster Strudel cool enough to be edible, and then chow down?
I think not.
You can’t even accidentally leave a box of Toaster Strudels out on the counter overnight when you need a snack after you sneak downstairs to call Kiss 109.2 FM and request Aerosmith’s Angel for Boy That You’re Seriously Crushing On.
They’ll be ruined.
Just like your hopes and dreams of Boy That You’re Seriously Crushing On hearing your request, knowing it was sent from you and falling immediately in love.
Broken dreams, broken breakfast. That’s a bad day.
I spend a lot of time thinking about cake.
How will I prepare my next cake?
When will I serve my next cake?
Why am I not eating a piece of cake right now?
Oh. Wait. I kind of am eating a piece of cake right now. Nice.
I do not, however, spend a great deal of time thinking about where cakes come from.
Which is why I am not entirely sure why this ridiculously delish cake is called a ‘Texas Sheet Cake’.
I can only assume that it has something to do with a cake that is larger than life originating from a state that is larger than life.
And I will admit that this cake’s epic reputation was very intimidating.
I’ve been thinking that maybe I’m just not Texas-y enough to come up with my own version of this gem.
But I really, really wanted to make it.
Ok. Fine. I really, really wanted to eat it.
